„Þegar fíflunum fjölgar í kringum þig þarftu kannski að fara að líta í eigin barm“ .. Þetta er algeng setning í sálfræðinni – sem er auðvitað ekki alltaf sönn, en algengara þó en ekki. –
Þegar að einhver aðili kemur í viðtal og fer að telja upp alla sem eru ómögulegir, treystir engum, allir eru einhvern veginn öfugsnúnir og viðkomandi er jafnvel að leita að námskeiðum fyrir ÞÁ, þá er oft erfitt að snúa fókusnum „heim.“ Eða að þeim sem talar.
„Be the change you want to see in the world“ – Gandhi
Sumir eru með fastan fókusinn á öðrum, þeirra gjörðum, mistökum – en sjaldan eða aldrei hjá sjálfum sér.
Það að vilja laga alla í kringum okkur, eða fixa, án þess að líta í eigin barm, er eitt einkenni meðvirkni, sérstaklega þegar þú gerir viðkomandi ábyrgan fyrir hamingju þinni.
Þetta er ein tegund stjórnsemi, Þú hefur ekki stjórn ef þú getur ekki stjórnað því að einhver sé eins og þú vilt, og þegar að hann/hún er ekki eins og þú vilt ertu ekki eins hamingjusöm/samur! ..
Þegar þú ert þessi bjargvættur – dregur þú að þér mörg fórnarlömb sem vilja ekki björgun, þau vilja bara að þú vorkennir þeim vegna þess að á því næra þau fórnarlambið í sér. En þegar þau verða þreytt á því að þú sért að reyna að stjórna þeim eða bjarga þeim, reiðast þau þér og þá ert þú sjálf/ur allt í einu orðin/n fórnarlambið.
„Ég vildi bara hjálpa“ – og skilur ekkert upp né niður í neinu.
Besta leiðin til hjálpar er ekki að draga aðra áfram sem ekki vilja hjálp, heldur að vera þeim FYRIRMYND í því sem þú vilt sjá hina vera.
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